Inspired by life's ebb and flow...

Today I watched Eminem's video for "Mosh." It is fabulous. Just when you think he cant possibly push the envelope any furthur, Eminem elevates his own standard just one more level. It will without a doubt really piss some people off but oh well. Reality hits hard when youre not expecting it. Quit running from it and put on that black hoodie in your closet and lets go march! It reminds me also of a couple of things I want to point out before next tuesday. Most of this is just a review but maybe you missed that lesson from previous posts. Here we go... Iraq is not Al Quada and vice versa. They possesed no weapons of mass destruction or even a tangible military for that matter. They never attacked any American entity on US or foreign soil. The "coalition" is derived of a mere 9 nations, not over 30 like some may mislead you to believe. The majority of the citizens in each one of these nations does not support the war. The war did not end when the president declared "mission accomplished" as more troops have been killed in combat since the end of the war than the entire war. Like they occupied in vietnam, the US is illegally, by international law, and against the advice of the United Nations, occupying the sovereign nation of Iraq. In turn, they are "liberating" people who never asked to be free. The Bush family was and still is a major business partner with the Saudi Royal family and the Bin Ladens. The Saudis and the Bushes are making a shit-ton on the war as are the Bin Ladens. And we must not forget Halliburton and their unprecedented luck in winning contracts without ever putting in a bid for one. Bush is the first president to lose jobs during his presidency since herbert hoover in 1948. He has spent more days on vacation than any other president before him. He protected the texas gulf coast againast the viet-cong during the vietnam conflict, something to be proud of I suppose since there werent viet-cong within thousands of miles of ellington airforce base. He uses religion to appeal to the moral majority yet he rarely attends church in D.C. or in TX. I guess that image is just to appease the pro-lifers who are out of touch anyway if they think roe v wade will be overturned in our lifetime and/or aboriton is even an issue that means much in this election. He used the phrase "It's hard work" or a variation thereof, such as "It's a hard job" a total of 21 times in the 3 presidential debates this year, the first in which he was wired anyway. Seems like those speech writers of his could have come up with something better than "uh... uh... its hard and uh... ya know... uh he forgot poland" (which he didnt) Oil prices are at record highs and there has been no proposal of a responsible energy plan, even though it was a campaign promise in the 2000 election. However, so was "no child left behind" which in Bush-speak obviously translates into "cut educational funding across the board" since thats what he has spent the last four years doing. His tax cut in 2001 did nothng to stimulate the economy, and even if it had, the US deficit spending has still managed to increase by well over one hundred billion dollars in the last two years alone. Bush put together, promoted and passed the patriot act, the act that strips away basic human rights, including but not limited to, protection from illegal search and seizure, the right to a fair and speedy trial, and the right to be charged with a crime before being arrested or detained. The thing that personally irks me the worst about this guy is that even in all of his mistakes, he never has admitted he should have done things differently. The sentiment of "if you do what youve always done, youll get what youve always gotten" is lost on him. But at least he wasnt screwing an intern... we all know that mistake is way worse than screwing the entire country! But alas this is the land of the free... if you want to vote for this jackass, power to ya! me though... I cant wait to cast my vote for the other guy, whatever his name is, that is the better candidate, even if only be default.

It is my experience that all girls are the same. Add another mark to the tally. Shame on me for doing this all again thinking it could be different. Maybe I am in the wrong. Maybe I create problems for myself. How big of a tragedy would this really be? With that said, I am always willing to accept the blame for my errors. However, I will never understand why people feel like they cant just be open and honest with me. I'm not some jerk that fell off a turnip truck in the night. When I say that I care, I mean that. When I ask that you be honest with me, I really wish you would. So if i decide to open my heart to you, why would you only want to tear it in two? You showed me again that you are continuously driven by your unconstrained spirit. Kudos, my friend for your ability to ignore regret. If this changes with age and my name somehow crosses your mind, do us both a favor and forget it ever did.

I wonder what its like to have someone fall in love with you. I certainly understand the falling for someone else part but I'm pretty sure I've always given that to the wrong people. Every time I even start to think about caring for a girl, I consider all possibilities of conflicts in the near future. I called this last one all the way but like a jackass I followed my heart again and it lead me to a place that I dont want to be. I am a firm believer in "if you do what youve always done, youll get what youve always gotten" so i try to mix it up a little bit... see new things... meet new people, etc. Its crazy though how often it comes back to me crouched down in the corner, wearing most of what I passed out in and a mind-pounding hangover from the night before, rationalizing my efforts, counting my blessings, and ultimately trying to take a lesson from it all. Don't try to tell me about love though. I know more than any single man my age should know. I know its a fools errand but we are living in a world of mostly fools. I know that getting a girl to tell you what you want to hear isnt even close to half the battle. I know that if you can fall hard for an absolute sweetheart, while overlooking one thing that you cant deal with, it will be that one thing that eats at you day in and day out until you flip out and end it. I know that females are mostly self-serving, at least most of the ones I've had the misfortune to come across. I know that the better you treat them the more likely they are to walk all over you, not because they are hateful beings, but just because you give them an opportunity to do it so why the hell not? I know that I have female friends now that I resent the hell out of because of the history I have with them. I've gone through the transformations from aquaintance to friend to almost getting together just to have something really fucked up come up before I could have a chance to even get to know the girl really well. I've had girls go back and forth on how they say they might want to think about feeling for me to the point that my head was spinning. I've had girls that were obsessed to the point of thinking marriage and family within ten days of our first meeting. I've been accused of many things, most of which were blown way out of proportion, especially as more common friends got involved. I've been looked down upon, called names, written off, symbolically flushed away, spit on, yelled at cussed out and compared to far lesser people in every parameter. Ive never thought of myself as a victim and I've mostly stayed true to who I am and what ideals I am chasing. One thing that makes me sort of smile at all of this shit is that even though I'll never know why, I refuse to throw in the towel. I wont quit. I wont give up. I wont stop fighting for what I think is right... ever... There is a girl out there that feels that way too. Now I've just got to find her. Keep your head up, babe... Youre not alone.