Inspired by life's ebb and flow...

I'm thinking now that I may have had a temporary lapse in what some would call maturity there for a while. Of course for that statement to be literally true, the defintion for "temporary" would have to be something that comes and goes more than something that once was and is now over. Also, "for a while" would have to be loosely percieved as a period of time with no real relevent beginning or ending that contains antecdotes of less than stellar (immature) behaviors during moments, or events, in which I maybe didnt go about doing some things quite as properly as may have been desired by some. For all that precedes this though, all I can honestly say is "oops" and "Oh well" But to take me less than seriously, while a fairly common error, is not neccessarily a wise one to make. I have good intentions. I speak in small truths. I toss around allegations that cannot be disproven. I give respect to those who demand it from me. They demand this of me by providing the respect that I demand of them. Think of it as a busy downtown crosswalk with people, the mascots of respect in this model, seemingly equally moving to and fro as if to maintain some sort of balance that is bigger than any of us can fully understand. I dont believe in poor business tactics. With me, youll get at least what is advertised. Word is Bond. My checks are as good as cash. I hide behind nothing. I sugarcoat nothing. And finally, I dont play games.

Happy Addicted to Glue Day!


You are addicted to glue (again) and you need to cover it up. How would people react if they saw you huff the Elmers on the way to the office? Would they accept you as the family man that they have come to know you to be after seeing you go buck-wild over a glue stick?

This started during the letter-writing campaign to save the McRib back in 1991. Your mistress, Tina, wrote the letters and you licked the envelopes. While you may have saved the miracle of a boneless rib sandwich for the world to enjoy for a limited time each year, the reward didn't come without some personal sacrifice. First, Tina, under the pressure of a vegan upraising, moved back to Ohio to alleviate the guilt that she felt for her efforts in your campaign. Perhaps not coincidentally, you had started to get out of control with the ups and downs of all the adhesives you could get your saucy little tongue upon. But the tragedy that still haunts you to this day is the way she left. There you were, all hopped-up on the sticky, passed-out on the dining room floor, wearing nothing but your left sock and a smile when she packed her bag and whispered those last words to you. "If you ever made me feel half as super as that glue, this could be forever" Forever. The only thing that permanent is the bond this stuff makes to your skin when you get a little careless with unscrewing the lid. So here you are, a mere shell of your former self. You wrote your congressman just for the high you got from licking the stamp. You sent in publishers clearing house for the ecstasy of the 8" adhesive strip on the envelope. And then, rock bottom when you sent in all those preapproved credit card offers, just for one more hit.

So now you've got a choice to make. If you keep sneaking around, you'll surely get caught and disciplined but if you stop cold turkey, the withdrawals may be too much to take. Don't sweat it too much though. No matter what, you'll never be the same.

So, grab some double-sided tape, you weak bastard, and...

Have a Happy addicted to glue (again) day!!