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What good can come of this? hopefully it stirs your soul, uncovers small truths and in time... awakens love.
Friday, March 04, 2022
I don't know...
I don't know... But I'm trying to work it out. On one hand, I've really built something at work that a lot of people have benefited from, including myself. Advancement is great, but to what end? I just feel like I've adapted every time I've needed to, whether asked to or not, and have made great strides by doing so. But it's really getting back to a point now that I'm constantly being asked to justify myself and, I'm sorry to say I find that incredibly insulting, especially considering that the ones I have to justify myself to are actual morons. One has enough ability and drive to kind of make up for his absolute refusal to listen to anyone, ever. But the other regurgitates the too-often incorrect statements of the first one, criticizing people who are way better at their jobs and have surpassed every metric ever placed in front of them. He doesn't have the intellect to create independent thought, so it's tough to take a lot of the stupid things that come out of his mouth too personally. Meanwhile it's become crystal clear in a short period of time that they have tasked themselves with "fixing" something that not only was never broken, actually outperformed it's market for years.
It's becoming a lost cause for me. I don't have the energy or emotional headspace to fight it. And the truth is that beyond my compensation, I don't even care. I stopped working on creating a legacy in this industry a long time ago. I've seen it over and over again when someone leaves, the perception of them is shit anyway. Who cares? It's just hard to listen to the amount of stupidity that I have to daily.
So what's the solution?
Well, that's the tough part. I'm not going to have the money that I need to stop drawing bi-weekly checks for at least another year, but probably even longer. So if I jumped out on my own, say around March 2023, I would need to be at very least, operating breakeven by October 2023. That doesn't create much time for a rational learning curve. Let alone, I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do with the BNZ brand. I'm afraid I'm going to continue to work for someone else. Of course the biggest problem with that notion is how time-consuming jobs are and time is about my worst enemy at this point.
As a coworker told me...
You have 3 choices...
You can cry about it... You can accept it... or you can do something to change it.
I like that a lot but also the serenity prayer...
God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Maybe the answer is in there somewhere. Who knows?